And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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