i don't like sucking hair
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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