I swear god or herbie drove my car home
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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