I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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