toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
