dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
this beer tastes like vomit already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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