Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
