Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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