On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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