Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
