1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
