Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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