dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
