I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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