I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
