i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
