All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
