I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
