I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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