i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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