do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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