Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
