oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
