who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
When did we convert life to cartoon?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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