fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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