i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
