i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
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It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Two words: nipple clamps
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