He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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