If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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