he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
