Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
