Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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