i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
