Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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