How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
