you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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