Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
