If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
