My sheets look like a crime scene.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
