it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
