time to smoke my breakfast
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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