Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
