he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
