So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
this is an emotional support booty call
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
