I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
