they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
