last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Randomize
