I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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