I hate your face
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
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