just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
