Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
