well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Say something about gay babies.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
