I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
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Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
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You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to