Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"