i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
