The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
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I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
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He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.