We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
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For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.