having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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