I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
