obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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