He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
