Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
