We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize