It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
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I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
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He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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