I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
