before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
