if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
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Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
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I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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