This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
