I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
