dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
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