my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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