...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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