Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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