you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”