Just cropdusted the office
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
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i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
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I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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