I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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