Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
