While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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